The Neil Keddie Interview

I remember reading a Douglas Adam's book, I think it was the 'Salmon of Doubt' and in this book it said "it is the off button that turns your brain back on". Now he was talking about Dictaphones but it definitely applies to T.V., computers, play stations and unfortunately in my case Microsoft bloody word. Death by Microsoft word AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGH!!!!

I remember meeting Keddie in about 97 in an Asda car park in Perth . Keddie and Scott came through to ride some dirt jumps that we had built - don't you just hate interviews that start like that. Enough of that pish.
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If I remember right Neil Keddie must be about 26 now, I reckon he is about 13 stone, rides a small bike and does other stuff too. This Fife scoundrel is generally know as "Kedric, Keddie, the hairfarmer from Fife or just the hairfarmer".

Now what I want to know is how does his hair grow so fast? What does he supplement his crop with? Is he an organic farmer and is this crop subsidised by the government? Now the answers to these questions may or may not be answered in this interview. Read on if you can be arsed. Q. So then Neil Keddie, 26 can you give us your name and age. A. 12 stone thank you very much Q. What sort of question do you think should be asked at the start of a really weird interview? And could you please answer that one too! A. "Would you run a 3 spoke mag wheel on your bike?" to which my answer would be hell no!

Q. I just spoke to mingo and he said you were getting signature parts soon, tell me more about this piece of gossip! Do these parts have batteries? Will the new line include a re-make of the TNT wife beater bar?
A. A signature part that everyone seems to be copying before I even get a prototype! Swines. Unfortunately it is nowhere near as cool as the wife beater bars. I still have then somewhere.

Q. Do you want to discuss any other of your signature products from the past?
A. Er, no. I still have some if you want to make your bike heavy?

Q. Have been riding for a really long time. So how do you avoid burn out with B.M.X.? I need to know your secret!
A. I'm feeling a burn out right now. I need to learn some new tricks. A new spine would help too and I don't mean a ramp.

Q. I think everybody needs escapism and to me that is what bmx is sometimes. I relate certain spots with bmx and in turn the sessions at these spots make me feel free of the shit of life! So where is your favourite spot? G-spot?
A. I dunno what my favourite spot is but I love riding a new skatepark for the first time. It's always cool to work out new lines and meet up with some new riders. Maybe even convert some neds.

Q. Are you still in touch with 'shave it' and do you know why he always smelt of fire?
A. I haven't seen shavit for a while but I'd imagine he still has a distinctive stench and a few more kids on the way.

Q. How does it feel to be the only person to be fully accepted in any bmx community in the whole of Scotland ? How do you do that?
A. I wouldn't say I was 'fully accepted' anywhere. I used to get in my car and go ride anywhere I felt like riding, so that meant I would meet a lot of people from all over. I'm not the most talkative person but when you go riding, you can't help but get to know people without even knowing their names.

Q. You came to Perth once, got smashed out of your face and went clubbing. I looked round and you had scored with my birds best friend, ten minutes later you were scoring with my birds little sis. So what aftershave do you use or is it your hair that attracts them?
A. Ah the memories! That was a good night. Must have been my natural 'eau de stench' from riding that day. I don't think the power of Samson applies when it comes to ladies.

Q. Why did you move to Aberdeen ? And I want an honest answer! Is it because there was an opening for an old skool leg end due to the departure of Paul? A. A combination of work, girlfriend and a change of scenery all contributed to me moving to Aberdeen . It's working out fine so far apart from the weather. We'll see how I cope in the summer being further away from Livi, Perth and all the other concrete parks down there. Q. Who are your hero's or to put it another way if you were gay who would you 'do'? A. Have you been watching Brokeback mountain? I always thought you licked the wrong side of the stamp. >

Q. You are the absolute epitome of non bmx fashion, (Jody Donnelly seat post, 17 brakes and 14 pegs) and you are still cool, so is that because if you claim to be cool you are automatically un-cool and if you are uncool that makes you cool? Please explain and make it better than my effort!
A. I do my own thing so does that make me cool? If I'm cool cos of that does it make me uncool? Isn't that the fashionable thing to do? If it's fashionable I can't be cool can I? I'm so confused!

Q. OK music questions now! You deserve this cos I have never seen you with a Megadeth t-shirt or heard you hum a tune or talk about a gig you went to or get all exited about a new album or anything so here goes..if you get this trick question wrong it will prove that you listen to Wham!, Brittney and Madonna! how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
A. I grew up listening to my big bro's music, which was dance/techno stuff pretty much and then I got into bmx and bmx videos which got me into rock and punk music. Then I would ride with the Kdy skaters all the time and they listened to hip hop mostly(and some other wierd shit). Then the pub we used to all go to was pretty rock n roll but every couple of weeks they had a full-on techno night in the back room which was pretty mental. All of that contributes to my varied taste in music. I tend to like faster music though. Stoner music like Pink Floyd etc, is cack in my opinion. You can't please everyone though and passengers in my car usually complain about my mixes. Take it!

Q. If you had the choice of buying another Citroen or licking my arm pit which one would you choose?
A. That's a tough one! I'd have to consider my options carefully. I found out the hard way that Citroens are shit, but your pits absolutely reek! However, I do remember you telling me that you washed them a wee while ago so I'd probably have a wee lap at your pit.

Q If you could do any trick what would it be?
A. I know you want me to say opposite toothpick but in reality it's probably flairs or tailwhips(my nemesis) or something like that.

Q. There is always stories going round in the bmx community can you tell us a really cool one?
A. Not really. I need to go for a keek.   Well that is about it for the noo. I am privileged to be able to spend this long on Microsoft word.

Thank you Neil Keddie, you are an amazing friend and a bad hair stylist!

Neil is a huge influence in Scottish bmx and an even better person than most realise. Long may the farmer rule the field of Scottish bmx!

The Bike Spec

Frame: Alone Maiden. 21 inch tt, 13.75 cs, mid bb, baby blue.

Fork: We The People Excalibur. Filed out to 14mm

Handlebar: Proper Proclaimer 9 butted

Stem: Odyssey Elementary

Headset: Solid

Grips: Odyssey Gary Young

Seat: Primo Balance Alloy

Seatpost: Alone Titanium

Seatclamp: Federal

Cranks: Odyssey with BSD Ti axle

Chainwheel: BSD 7075 28t

Pedals: Odyssey Jim C sealed mag with custom paint job

Chain: KMC 510HX

Bottom Bracket: Mid bb

Tyres: Primo V-monster 2.1 front, Animal GLH 1.95 rear

Wheels: Profile ss 14mm 48h f+r, DT spokes, Odyssey 7K rims

Brakes: AD990 front, Odyssey Evolver rear

Levers: Odyssey M2 rear, Monolever front

Detangler: Odyssey GTX

Pegs: Odyssey Ti x4

Extras: BSD Ti cassette axle, Kink barends, G-sport nuggets.

Weight: 28ish pounds

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